Writing

I don't know why, but I always hesitate talking about my writing. I don't know of other writers/authors have this problem. Part of it is the absolute fear that all the work is for nothing and the work is complete crap. 

But at the same time it's hard to contain my excitement. Plus there is the need for some validation. Even if it's just on a paragraph of sentence. But that leads to questions. Questions lead to them wanting to read your work and than that rolls back to that absolute fear. 

The last couple of days I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole with my writing. I go back and reread a few pages to get back into the mindset and it's like I spiral down into it. But is it really that I have created my characters and world so well or is it that they are in my mind so well and I just haven't transferred then to paper well enough. 

The more I delve into this second story, the more I understand what other authors mean about fear.

It is real. 

This and That

It's been over a year since I have posted anything. 

Stuff happened over the course that year. Finally got to go home to Texas after 7 years. In a way it felt that long and in away it didn't feel it. It was great to see my family and all the things I missed, especially the beach and the food. We only had a week and it wasn't nearly enough. It was a crazy whirlwind trip. And as much as I really would like to go back this year, I HATE to fly. 

I read 55 books last year. Wish it had been more but both jobs have kept me so busy. 

I rejoined Weight Watcher last year and I don't know why I just can't keep up with it. I will do really good for a couple of weeks and lose weight and then any little thing that disturbs my pattern REALLY disturbs it. No little stumble, I may as we'll have fallen off a cliff. 

I have managed to keep off the original 10 pounds I lost but that's just a 1/10 of what I want to loose. I have the worst willpower. Some of my friends are in the midst of their own weight loss quests and they are doing so well and I feel like a failure sometimes. 

Perhaps I just need a different perspective on things. I don't know. My husband says he wants to lose weight but he just won't commit. I have just about cut all sodas from my diet. Only drink it if it's the only thing available. I don't know what to do. 

I've been writing a lot in the last year. I basically finished an entire novel. I have yet to type it out completely but it's all there. I'm working on 2 other ones, one of which is a sequel. I haven't decided when I want to send it to an agent yet. It needs reworked some and has to be bled. And by bled I mean sent to someone who will read it and tell me what parts of it are complete shit and need fixed. It's going to be painful and expensive but most good things are. 

On Twitter I follow many authors and try to take in as much advise as I can. Ultimately, it terrifies me but from everything I've read, that's the norm. 

I guess that's about as up to date it gets. I will strive to be more proactive in updating. 

Nice warm bread!

For the longest time I have been afraid of trying to bake bread from scratch. No box mixes, no bread machine.

My first attempt was a Challah recipe I got from an author I read. It came out so so and I set it aside for a few years.

In Nov. I decided I would break it out again and tweak it with suggestions I got from others. It came out AMAZING. It's a wonderful cinnamon and honey challah that is to die for.

For some reason I got a bug up my ass today about baking more bread. But I wanted something different. I have been searching the internet for months for a wheat bread recipe that looked desirable. They all looked the same.

Sooooo, I strapped on my big girl pants (hahaha, I know, I wear them all the time) and I improvised based on different things I had seen.

AMAZING!!!!

So I am going to share my creation with everyone.

I call it: M & M Wheat Bread (No it doesn't have M&Ms in it. Sorry. :( )

M & M Wheat Bread

Ingredients:

1 packet dry active yeast (2 1/4 tsp)
1/2 cup hot water (tap hot, not boiled)
pinch of sugar
3 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup unbleached bread flour
1 cup sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup whole oats (old fashioned oatmeal)
1/2 cup water
1/4 vegetable oil
2 eggs, slightly beaten
2 Tbl Maple syrup
2 Tbl molasses


In a cereal bowl mix 1/2 cup hot water and pinch of sugar and add packet of yeast. Mix and set aside to bloom

In large bowl mix 1 cup of bread flour and 1 cup of whole wheat flour, sugar, salt and cinnamon.

When yeast mixture has bloomed to roughly twice its size, mix with the flour mixture you have prepared. It will be dry. Add the 1/2 cup water, 1/4 cup vegetable oil, eggs, Maple syrup and molasses. Mix well and it will be soupy.

Add 1 cup of oats and slowly begin to incorporate the other 2 cups of whole wheat flour.

If mixing by hand, at some point you may not be able to mix it any further. Use remaining flour that hasn't been incorporated to dust the counter or cutting board and knead in the dusting flour until it is elastic and soft and when kneaded into a ball, it is smooth.

Spray a bowl that is double the size of your dough ball with cooking spray and set the dough inside. Spray the top of the dough too. Cover with plastic wrap or a tea towel and warm draft free place to rise for 1 to 1 1/2 hour, until it has roughly doubled in size.

When the dough has doubled in size, lightly dust your cutting board again and pour out the dough and punch it down and re-form into a ball or loaf, which ever suits you.

On cookie sheet or pizza stone, lightly dust with flour and then sprinkle with oats. Set dough on top of oats and cover again and let rise for 30 minutes.

Preheat to 375 F while the dough is rising.

Bake for 30-35 minutes, until it sounds hollow when you tap the loaf.

Allow to cool before cutting or you will squash the loaf.

If you try this, I hope it works for you and you enjoy it as much as we have.

Small Business Christmas

I have worked for two small businesses in the last seven years. Am currently working for one of those two right now. It's a family owned flower shop that has been in Pittsburgh for over 70 years. The previous one was a flower shop that had been in operation for over 90 years.

 It's gone now.

Due to various reasons he had to close. And it was heart-breaking to know that we worked hard for so long and yet it all had to end.

With the economy the way it is right now and everyone clamoring over each other in big box stores for the greatest deals on the anything and everything they can find, we the little guys in small businesses around the country suffer greatly.

We don't begrudge people trying to find a bargain when times are tough. But remember, times are tough for all of us and are made more so when people forget to help us out by buying locally or from small shops rather than heading to the big stores.

I buy at big box stores too for many things as there aren't always available from small businesses such as  household goods and cleaning supplies. But I do try and buy from local bookstores, specialty food shops and even my yarn when I can afford it.

But I ask that when you do have the money, shop at your local businesses. From your independent booksellers who are usually much more helpful in finding that book you want or need because they are immersed in their love of books, or your local butcher who will do anything you need to fill your orders, to your local florist who will happily make that awesome bouquet for your special someone.

These are your neighbors who make it a point to know everything they can about what they love and want to share with you. And they all need your help.

Make it a point this Christmas to, at some time, buy something from a neighbor.

The New Gena Showalter Series!!!

I have been anticipating this new series by Gena Showalter for some time.

The Last Kiss Goodnight is due out Dec. 26th. Consider it a late Christmas gift to yourself by picking it up when it comes out!

All In Knots

It's been a while. Since the Read-A-Thon (thanks again to those who donated!), I have been neck deep in my knitting.

Have made a couple pairs of fingerless gloves, 2 baby hoodies, a hat for myself, a pair of socks and am working on 2 scarves.

I started a photoblog on Tumblr. Here's the link. Restless Hands and Ceaseless Words

I finally finished the second Patrick Rothfuss books. I loved it and was totally SHOCKED by the last three pages. I can't wait for the final book.

Am currently reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. It's her first book and so far so good.

Almost time to go.

Have a good one.

HUGE THANKS!!!!

I would like to extend a HUGE Thank You to those who have donated and pledged to donate based on how many hours I read in Eljay's 24 Hour Read-A-Thon. You are very special people!

And those people are:

• Chef Chuck Kerber
• Eleanor Smail
• Elizabeth Cavazos
• Bryan Szafranski
• Cristina Escamilla
• Celia Escamilla

A Reader's Dream - 24 Hour Read-A-Thon

As many of you know, I am a voracious reader. I can remember learning to read in my Montessori school back in Texas when I was 4 years old in pre-kinder. My teacher was Delfina and she was great woman. I loved the method they used to teach us to read and it obviously worked.

When I hear about children and adults who cannot read for any reason, be it lack of education, Dyslexia that was never discovered or even being told they didn't need to learn because they are dumb or too handicapped to need to know how to read, hurts me to my core. In the United States today, if anything should be a fundamental right, it should be the ability to read so anyone can stay as informed as possible without having to rely on others to hopefully inform your correctly.

 The Greater Pittsburgh Literacy Council offers wonderful services for those in need from Basic Skills (reading, writing and math) to GED Prep to ESL (English as a Second Language) and others. As you have seen in the news the state of the education system is on the decline and there are so many schools that no longer have libraries. People need help.

A few weeks ago, I registered to read in Eljay's Used Books 24 Hour Read-A-Thon to raise money for the Greater Pittsburgh Literacy Council.

So here I am hoping and praying that YOU will be an awesome person and help me raise money for them.

Like most marathon events, I would love it if you could pledge a certain amount of money for every hour I read. I am shooting for all 24 hours, but the event organizers say it has only been done by around 6 people in the few years it has been done. It doesn't have to be much, even .50 cents an hour would add up to $6.00 if I make it to the full 24 hour mark.

Or if you would like to donate just a straight amount that is great too!!

 There are the guidelines listed for us readers:
"Readers can start getting pledges as soon as they have turned in their registration packet. Pledges can be given in a per-hour format (Bob might offer you $5 for as many hours as you can read) or in a flat rate (Bob might offer you $35 for reading in the event) form. Pledge money must be turned in to Eljay’s books by October 31st.  Pledge money can be collected in cash (preferred) or in a check made out to Eljay’s Books with the words GPLC Read-A-Thon Donation on the check memo line."

I know this seems a little old school, but it's a small event in its infancy. More sophisticated methods of donation take time. If you wish to contact Eljay's Used Books about a different payment method, their phone number is 412-344-7444. 

I will be accepting pledges from now thru Friday, October 12th. If you wish to pledge, feel free to leave a message in the comments section with your Pledge Per Hour amount and I will start a separate post recognizing the awesomeness of your pledges and donations. If you wish to donate or wish to keep your pledge anonymous, you can EMAIL ME your Pledge Per Hour amount or donation amount and information at brooksiefan44 at gmail dot com

From October 15 - October 27, I will be be collecting your donations so I can turn them in by October 31st. 

As I collect, I will keep everyone updated on my collection total. 

I really hope you will find it in your hearts to help me make this 24 Read-A-Thon a success for this great organization and get people reading and living a great life.

Sugar Cookies

Over the years I have been making the same sugar cookies. Everyone asks me why their cookies never come out the same.

It's possible the recipe is different as I am sure there are about a zillion variations of sugar cookie recipe out there.

I got mine from my mother and this morning I asked her I could share it since, to me, it's her recipe. Turns out she found it years ago in her search for a good recipe. She thinks it may have been a Wilton recipe, but she really isn't sure anymore.

So I shall share it with everyone here. But before I do, a few tips to get the BEST cookies out of this recipe.

- ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS USE REAL UNSALTED BUTTER. Not light butter, not margarine. BUTTER.

- Use a high quality sugar like Domino (my fave white sugar for baking). The grain is much smaller and dissolves away much better so your cookies will be less grainy.

- Use the freshest flour you have. If you can't remember when you used it last, much less bought it, throw it out, it may have bugs. EEK!

- Always use fresh eggs. And the size in the recipe does matter. Always follow what the recipe says.

- If you have imitation Vanilla extract, throw it away and invest (and it is a good investment) in Real Vanilla Extract. Should be at least 30% alcohol. You will be dazzled in the difference. Use it in everything from cookies, cake batter, French toast, pancakes. Even kneed it into store bought cookie dough and add to box cake mix for homemade taste.

- Baking Powder DOES lose its abilities after a while, so use the flour rule for baking powder and baking soda.

- When rolling out any kind of dough for using cookie cutters, best practice is to roll out initial dough, cut cookies and set scrap dough aside until you're done cutting through it all. Then kneed all scraps back together and re-roll. This will keep the addition of more flour to the dough to a minimum and prevent it from becoming dry too quickly. If the cookies are for gifts and you don't want layers to bubble, only re-mix and re-roll twice. Or do what I do, keep all the bubble cookies for myself.

- And finally, use parchment paper on your cookie sheets, it will keep the cookies evenly browned and really saves on cleaning at the end. It is wonder paper!

Finally!!!! The recipe!

No-Chill Sugar Cookies

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp and really soft
1 cup sugar
1 large egg, room temp and slightly beaten just before use
1 tsp. real vanilla extract
2 tsp. baking powder
Pinch of Salt

Preheat oven 400 degrees F.

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add beaten egg and vanilla until completely incorporated.

In separate bowl combine flour, baking powder and salt.

Add flour mixture to the butter mixture one cup at a time until incorporated. Dough should be soft and should not stick to the bowl or your hands. If it does, add more flour a little at a time.

Since this a no chill dough, roll dough out onto a lightly floured surface to desired thickness. I find something near 1/4 inch is a nice thickness for a not too crisp cookie.

Cut out cookies with desired cookie cutter and place them on your ungreased cookie sheets. Remember, parchment paper keeps cleaning to a minimum.

Bake 6 to 10 minutes depending on thickness and overall size of the cookie. You're looking for a pale cookies with a browned bottom.

When done baking, cool on sheet for a few minutes to make sure they set, then remove to a cooling rack to cool completely before icing.

These are completed and baked cookies I made a few weeks ago for my husband's work.

These are the same cookies after I have iced them as daisies.

I used Martha Stewart's Royal Icing recipe. It makes a lot of icing. If you plan on completely covering the cookies make it all. If only for line work like my daisies, I recommend cutting it in half. Don't add all the powdered sugar at once, do it slowly until you get the desired thickness of icing for the decorating work you want to do.

I hope you make these cookies, that the come out great and that you enjoy them above all else!

Chuck Wendig: Flash Fiction Challenge

The three subjects I had for this challenge were Dystopian, Surgery and Divorce.

Short stories are not my forte, so this was an interesting exercise.

------

"So are you going to have it done?" It was a question Rodfree had been asked so many times in the last two intervals, he felt like he was beginning to develop a complex. It really wasn't that bad was it? He turned to stare at his reflection in the polished steel on the machine at his station.

It wasn't that he was afraid of having surgery. He'd had so many in his life, he knew the ins and outs of them. It was who would have to perform it.

"ECH3579 resume your designated task immediately." The female voice on the other end of the intercom called out.

Sighing in frustration, Rodfree took a sheet of alumantium and placed it in the press and started the complicated process of flipping switches and pushing levers that would result in the production of the standard cup all the people of Glorfina drank from. From his first diem on the job he thought the process of making cups seemed entirely too complicated. It was a simple molded piece of alumantium, not something complex like a clock or the machine that made the damned thing.

Of course it was questions and thoughts like those that got him in his current situation. No sooner had he finished with the same cup did the voice come over the intercom again.

"ECH3579 report to supervisor's room three zero zero zero immediately."

Slouching in fear, Rodfree removed the newly created cup and added it to the completed stacks and locked his machine. As he walked down the long assembly room floor, he noticed everyone glance at him as he passed. Some shook their heads, others gave a reluctant smile.

Up the stairs he climbed to the Supervisory Hall. It was solid white from floor to walls to ceiling. For some reason, it unnerved him. He knew exactly which room was 3000. He had been to it enough times in the six presects he had been an ECH. Six presects since his divorce. He shuddered at the thought.

When he reached the door, it slid open before he could even knock.

"Enter ECH3579."

Taking a deep breath, Rodfree stepped into the room to find his supervisor, Idrina, seated at her pristine desk. The room matched the hall with the same solid white. Even her uniform was a blinding white.

Taking the customary submissive position to a superior, he dropped to his knees with his chin to his chest and hands clasped behind his back. "You beckoned me Mistress Idrina." It still galled him to be in such a position.

During his ten spans of marriage to Mistress Mitra Dall, he had been on the other side of the fence when it came to the caste system of Glorfina. He had been bred, raised and enhanced to serve his Mistress. But now, he was just another ECH, like rest of the men on the assembly room floor.

Rising from her chair, Idrina rounded the desk to stand before him. "You seem to have developed an inability to perform the task designated for you. Why is that ECH3579?" Her voice was smooth as silk and hard as steel at the same time.

Keeping his voice low, like a proper ECH, Rodfree answered her. "My apologies Mistress. My current deformity has kept me preoccupied. I promise it won't happen again."

Idrina curled her lip in disgust. It galled her to look at him, to even have him in her section, let alone her office. "Yes, your deformity has become quite the distraction for the other ECHs in this section. To prevent further disruptions, I am sending you for corrective surgery immediately."

Rodfree's head popped up against his better judgement. "Mistress?"

A vicious slap sailed across his face."Don't you dare think to look up at me again."

Quickly dropping his head back to his chest as his eyes watered and his cheek burned from the slap, he mumbled an apology. "My humblest apologies Mistress Idrina."

Rounding her desk, Idrina tapped the intercom to connect to the Infirmary. "Notify Dr. Dall ECH3579 will be reporting for reconstructive surgery immediately. He will be arriving shortly."

"Right away Mistress Idrina." The male voice on the other end answered.

So this is it, Rodfree thought. Time to see her again. "I'll take my leave now, Mistress."

"Do so and do not delay in reporting to the Infirmary." Tapping another button, the door opened as Rodfree rose to leave.

Afraid of angering Mistress Idrina any further, Rodfree ran from the Supervisory Hall and arrived in record time. He approached the main desk and signed in.

"ECH3579 report to pre-op room 554." The nurse said as she entered him into the computer.

Walking down the hall the nurse had pointed to, he found the room and Dr. Dall waiting for him.

Without looking up, she pointed to the gurney. "ECH please lay down on the bed."

As he laid down, Rodfree suddenly felt very nervous. All his previous surgeries had never started like this. "Dr. Dall, may I ask a question?"

Mitra looked up from the chart in her hand to look into her ex-husband's eyes. She could hardly believe the differences in his appearance, especially the deformity she was now going to repair. "Go ahead ECH."

It was a little stab in his heart to hear her call him ECH as if she didn't recognize him. "Will there be other staff assisting in the procedure?"

"No, it will not be necessary. This will be a quick procedure." Slipping on a pair of gloves, she took a syringe from a prepares tray and prepared it. "Lay back and close your eyes. As I give you the injection, start to count backwards from twenty."

Rodfree did what he was told and waited for the needle prick. A cold swab in the crook of his arm prepared him. The quick sting of the needle started his countdown. "Twenty, nineteen, eighteen..." By fifteen, his words began to slur, by eight a whisper. At three, he was gone.

Mitra sighed as she threw the syringe into the needle receptacle. Touching the intercom keypad, she dialed Idrina's office.

"This is Mistress Idrina."

"I'm afraid the procedure was too difficult for your ECH to survive. He is gone. I'm afraid this is all too common an occurrence with deformities such as his. Once the structures of the nose have been broken, it is very difficult to repair them to their original state." Mitra pushed another series of buttons on the wall above the gurney.

"Thank you for the update Dr. Dall."

"No problem. I will notify supply that you require. New ECH to perform 3579's tasks."

"Thank you again."

Mitra signed off as she watched the gurney and Rodfree's body descend into the floor leading to the male waste receptacle. "Such a shame, that deformity. You could have been a good husband if someone had prevented it."

MS and Kids Cancer Suck!

I hope that got your attention!

An awesome Pittsburgh gal named Kat has a bug up her butt. And that bug is the need to kick childhood cancer's and MS's ass!

But she needs your help!

During the month of October, any donation YOU make to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital or the Western PA MS Society and take a screen shot and Tweet it to her (@burghbelle on Twitter), you will be entered for what she has described as a SCARY AWESOME PRIZE!!!!

Check out her blog Vintage Saturday for more information!

So help Kat kick Cancer and MS's ass this October!

Plus you should just follow her on Twitter cause she is crazy fun!

Blackbirds Redux

Did I mention that Blackbirds is dark, very dark, may be scary or disturbing for some readers....huh, I guess I didn't before. Well I've said it now. It's dark...and possibly disturbing.

Thirteen and Blackbirds and Stuff

 It's been a while since I have been here. Life has kept me busy. But never busy enough to keep me from reading.

My last two reads have been in the last two weeks. I know slow for me. But like I said, been busy.

 First was Thirteen by Kelley Armstrong. This is the final book in her Otherworld series that has been gracing our bookshelves for around ten years.

My husband originally got me hooked into this series. While everyone was writing about vampires, Kelley Armstrong started with werewolves. Elena and Clay's tumultuous relationship was the stuff of reality, well as real as werewolves can be. There wasn't the pretty shine of your typical pretty blonde girl falls for wolf  and they live happily ever after.

Despite being her first book, she gave her characters a tremendous back story that you just wanted to know more about, hence reading on and anxiously waiting  for the next book.

As she added to her world with Paige, Lucas and Savannah and Adam, you just became more consumed with the story, the world and their outcomes. These are characters that you can relate to despite you not having the spiffy powers and abilities that they do.

I didn't know what to expect when I finally cracked open Thirteen. I knew when the book was coming out and I wanted it back. My husband surprised me by getting it for me. But I didn't read it immediately. I finished a different series and dallied around it. It's not like reading a trilogy or a small series. This was the culmination of a ten years invested into an entire world of characters. What is she doing to do to them? Kill them all? Give us a happily ever after ending? I didn't want either of those options.

Well I started it and loved that Kelley immediately picked up where the previous book had left off and just pulled you back into the rush of the story. Savannah Levine (Nast) was a small character so long ago in Stolen that you really didn't give much thought to the character. She was a device for Paige and Lucas at some points, but you still liked her. Cute kid with this world of fighting Cabals and vampires and werewolves around her. This final book helps Savannah give so many the closure they need as so many of their lives come back together to hopefully keep their world falling apart at the hands of greed, stupidity, ignorance and misplaced trust.

I don't like to give away plot in my reviews of books, so I will not go into the story for those who haven't read Thirteen or the Otherworld series yet. But I will say this. You won't be disappointed with the finale of this great series. Kelley Armstrong did a tremendous job with this series and I can't wait to see where she takes us next with whatever project she moves to.

Onto the book I just finished a little bit ago, and by a little bit, I mean a few minutes before I began typing this out.

Blackbirds by Chuck Wendig came to my attention via Twitter thanks to Lilith Saintcrow. If you are on Twitter, following @ChuckWendig is a MUST. His humor and no-nonsense views keep the days from getting a little too serious. And if you are an aspiring writer or artist, he keeps it real in what he says to keep you motivated.

In his shameless tweets of self-promotion, (and there is nothing wrong with that, man's gotta make a living so get off his and my back) he has been pushing his newest book Mockingbird which is due out August 28th (yay!). Intrigued, I naturally went to his very awesome website (click on his name above to see it, duh!) to see what all the fuss was about.

For some reason I always let the covers of books influence my decision in reading a book. Chuck has some pretty cool covers for Blackbirds and Mockingbird so I clicked on the appropriate link and read on. Then I went to BN.com because that is where I always go, and read some of the reviews, which I always take with a block of salt because of those self-serving assholes that like to sometimes rip people to pieces for no good reason. And I read the Overview. I liked what I saw and finally got my ass down to the store to buy it.

I would have ordered it online, but I am a minion of instant gratification and the idea of WAITING for the damn mail to come in with my book doesn't always sit well with me.

When I finally started reading it, I was happy. All of Chuck Wendig's humor shines through. If you were ever looking for the most off the wall and crude metaphors, READ THIS BOOK. He has forever changed the way I will view traffic.

His protagonist, Miriam Black, poor girl. And to me she is a girl, despite being twenty-two, a raging smoker and alcoholic and her ability to view people future deaths. So many deaths she has seen and actually witnessed. It really is a wonder she survived the past eight years of her life. But that just goes to show you the strength of the human spirit despite all the crap and shit we deal with. And Louis, oh Louis, was it wrong place, wrong time or fate. Is his life better or worse now that he is with Miriam.

Read the book, you decide. And don't forget that Mockingbird will be out in just ten days.

Next book to read...The Iron Wyrm Affair by Lilith Saintcrow. New series, new characters. Bannon and Clare. I can't wait.

And lastly. Despite working with my hands all day playing with frilly flowers and cutting and stabbing myself lately (what's a florist to do). When I get home, my hands still feel like they should doing something.  That led me back to my embroidery. Is it true that idle hands are the Devil's playground? Who knows. I could or should have been busy at the keyboard doing more writing, but my hands didn't want that. They wanted that needle and thread.

And the fruits of my labor? Pots and pans. Weird I know. But hey, even kitchens need a little attention. I haven't decided if I am going to keep this for me, give it away or sell it. If someone likes it and wants it, post a comment or tweet me or not. Whatever.

Go do something productive like sew or read a damn book!

The little things...

It has been 9 years since my husband got his last hearing aid. We had to pay for it completely out of pocket. I swear they are a small fortune, but in reality for the amount of use you get, the price isn't so bad.

Today he got 2. This is the first time he has worn 2 and it's like a whole new world. There are sounds that he has never heard and others that sound so much clearer and cleaner.

So now there are sounds that we normally take for granted. From the sound of the highway as you drive over it. The crunch if gravel as you walk across it. The noise of a busy restaurant as you attempt to eat dinner. Even silly little unconscious actions we all have like tapping your fingernails on a tabletop to the rustle of the pages in a book.

While I may not be deaf or hard of hearing, I have incredibly poor eye sight without my glasses. I know some would say that it can't be compared, but I feel it can. In the middle of the night if you have to get up to get a glass of water or go to the bathroom, you just get up and go. I HAVE to put on my glasses before I do anything so I can see where I am going, not step on a dog or cat, trip on anything or see that the seat is down on the commode. :)

May seem silly to some, but that is how visually impaired I am. At night I have accidentally knocked my glasses from my nightstand and have to have my husband find them because I can't even see them to find them.

I am just glad glasses don't cost anything near what his hearing aids cost.

Last year we both lost our jobs. Me to closure and him to reduction of staff due to lack of funding. Most insurance companies do not offer coverage for hearing exams and hardware because they consider most hearing loss a pre-existing condition. At the end of February, he got a new job through a Temp agency. The normal wait period for them to hire on permanently is six months. He was hired after 3. And insurance was active soon after. God Bless his new employer because they cover all hearing exams and hardware.

Perhaps he was destined to have this job even it pays less. He has less stress, better hours and new hearing aids. And for all of that I am incredibly grateful.

Things happen in life for a reason. Lots of times the seem insurmountable and hurt so much. But if you press on, you might be surprised at what you find at the other end and what you learned along the way.

Escaping

I think my mind has been trying to escape.

Lately I have noticed that lately I have been thinking a lot more about Texas and the people there. My family and friends. I don't know if it was because of my birthday that was this past Sunday or hormones or something, but I have had a lot on my mind lately.

My mother is always telling me to go and visit down there, since she is always coming up here. But financially it hasn't been possible for quite a few years. Especially now since we both started new jobs in the last 6 months. We are trying to keep up with bills and had tried to get a home equity loan to help pay for home improvements that have been needed, but unfortunately in this economy we weren't approved so, once again, home repairs have to wait.

It just makes me anxious sometimes. I feel so alone and confused at times. I know I'm not, but I know I close myself off to keep people from knowing. Everyone else has their own problems so I feel like why should I bother them with my own. Believe me most of the time I subscribe to my grandfather's saying "If you can fix it, fix it. If you can't don't worry about." But sometimes it just all bogs down on me and I becomes overcome with sad thoughts and emotions.

One of the main feelings is loneliness and a longing for the familiar. Despite having been living here for 10 years, there are so many times where I still feel like outsider, the outcast, separate from everyone else. I know sometimes I may seem arrogant or like a know it all, but instead of people taking the time to see through that and finding that I am actually pretty funny and incredibly loyal and helpful and willing to do just about anything for them, they just blow me off and ignore me.

Perhaps I am just too different for Pittsburgh, too resistant to the natural order of things here. Perhaps my personality is too strong. I don't know what it is. I know I don't agree with lots of things here. I'm not a Steeler or a Pirate fan. But hey, I am a HUGE Penguins fan. Where I come from, hockey is not even thought about, so hey, I whole-heartedly embraced that. And I have seen this city change soooo much in the 10 years I have lived here. But I don't know what it is.

I think I am starting to ramble.

Anyway, to get away from all these thoughts running through my head, I have been reading so much. Especially since I have found the Dark Hunter series by Sherilynn Kenyon. It's a huge series that I have become obsessed with reading all of.

It's a great series in the paranormal romance genre. Mixing Greek mythology with vampires and demons. Fun and sexy. It has obviously kept my attention all this time. Kenyon really has a way of grabbing your attention and holding it and making you care so much about her characters. And with so many books in the series, they almost become your friends who you cheer and cry for. I highly recommend it.

Sometimes we all need to escape all the things we worry about...perhaps this is just my way.

Book List

So I know a while ago I promised a list of the most recent books I had read since I had kind of gone crazy reading.

Here it is for everything read from May to now:
(Date is when I finished it)
May 1 - Fifth Shades of Grey - E. L. James
May 3 - The Winning Hand - Nora Roberts
May 4 - The Perfect Neighbor - Nora Roberts
May 8 - The Last Boyfriend - Nora Roberts
May 17 - Night Pleasure - Sherilynn Kenyon
May 19 - Night Embrace - Sherilyn Kenyon
May 21 - Fantasy Lover - Sherilynn Kenyon
May 23 - Dance With The Devil - Sherilynn Kenyon
May 26 - Fifty Shades Darker - E. L. James
May 28 - Fifth Shades Freed - E. L. James
May 29 - Kiss of the Night - Sherilynn Kenyon
May 30 - Seize the Night - Sherilynn Kenyon
May 31 - Sins of the Night - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 3 - Captivated - Nora Roberts
June 5 - Entranced - Nora Roberts
June 5 - Charmed - Nora Roberts
June 9 - Born of Silence - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 11 - Night Play - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 12 - Unleash the Night - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 13 - Dark Side of the Moon - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 15 - The Dream-Hunter - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 18 - Devil May Cry - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 19 - Upon The Midnight Clear - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 20 - Dream Chaser - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 23 - Acheron - Sherilynn Kenyon
June 24 - Bared to You - Sylvia Day
June 26 - One Silent Night - Sherilynn Kenyon

I know, a lot of books in a short amount of time...perhaps I have a problem....perhaps not.

Baking...

Lately I have been reading about the new Taco scene in Pittsburgh. And of course being Hispanic and having grown up eating everything Tex-Mex and Mexican, I begin to investigate.

I have been pretty disappointed. There is this movement to remake Mexican food. I hate it. What is wrong with traditional food? Most everything I find reminds me of California.

Plus it's almost impossible to find good Mexican Pan de Dulce (sweet bread). And no Pan de Dulce is not a specific pastry, it's any type of sweet pastry or bread found in a Mexican Bakery.

One of my favorite things is called a mollete ( moh-yeh-teh). Or some call it a concha because the pattern in the baked on frosting looks like the tip of a sea shell.

So I got it in my crazy brain to make some. I found what looked like a pretty reliable recipe online. Tonight I tried it. The frosting is dead-on, but the bread, while good, is no match to the breads from where I'm from.

There are the results: post and pre bake. (stupid program insists on publishing them in this order)

Type, type, typing

So the writing bug has struck me again, hard. There are days when all I want to do is read and other days where all I want to do is write. It's a vicious cycle.

And I may have been wrong about my not reading a crap load of books again this month. It's the 5th and I have already read three. Even with my writing, I am still reading a lot.

There have been a few word blocks in my way, but right now, they just want to all tumble out to the point that my fingers are having a hard time keeping up. I get the words out on the screen, but the letters in them are all jumbled up. Like my brain is working fine, but my fingers have become dyslexic.

But I have been asked to give up the laptop for now. So I will go find a new book to read since I finished the last one on the way home from work.

G'nite.

Obsession

I think my reading became an obsession during the month of May. With all that was going on, including a floral holiday (Mother's Day), Memorial Day and doing the normal day today stuffs, I managed to read 13 books and start another. Towards the end, I was reading 1 a day. And I managed to go to work, do work, get home, make dinner, play with the animals AND sleep.

This is a first for me in terms of the number of books. I am usually good for 4-6 a month. But this was crazy. I don't know if I will ever do that again.

Don't worry, I won't be extolling on them. Too many, and I don't know that I want to. I will, however, post a list of them.

My birthday is coming up this month. Yay me! I saw something on Facebook today that I want. It's pricey, but very cool!

Wigle Whiskey has a home aging kit for their white wheat whiskey. Hehehe, try saying that 3 times fast. There is a small and large kit. The small comes with a liter of white wheat whiskey (jeez, it's even hard to type fast), a small cask/barrel and a snifter for it. I know some people would be think that is just silly. But hey, I like it, I want it, so =P.

Anyway, this feels like its going to be a long weekend. I don't know why, but I just have that feeling.

Laters.

No More Holidays...For Now

At last, the no holiday season has started for the floral community. Mother's Day was the last one until Thanksgiving, so now we can relax. It's been a crazy busy last couple of weeks with Administrative Professionals Day and then Mother's Day.

But on the bright side, being busy as helped me lose more weight. So as of yesterday I have officially lost 5% of original body weight. Yippee!! Of course though, none of my pants fit right. I feel like a schlub because they are all baggy and saggy and I constantly have to pull them up. None of my belts fit anymore either. Oh well, it comes with the territory. Just have to suck it up and wait til they are falling off before I buy more pants.

It's been a while since I posted about what I have read. I believe I have read 4 more books since The Taker. And what is sad is that I can't remember exactly which they are right now. Hahaha. I will post a list of them later. Am too lazy to review them right now.

We are finally getting more shelves installed in my store today. I was starting to get claustrophobic in here with all the extras we are starting to carry. It will be so nice to not have boxes EVERYWHERE. The place won't look so haphazard.

This weekend is my husband's birthday. He hasn't exactly made a concrete plan as to what he wants to do. He has plans upon plans. But it's his day so, we will do what he wants.

I guess I should get back to work....