The Time Draws Near

In less than a week I will be starting my new part-time job in an official capacity. The most important training will be today. Hopefully it will be sufficient. Though I doubt they will throw us newbies to the sharks...hopefully. With previous experience in this field I hope I am not too overwhelmed. We shall see.

I applied somewhere else the other day for another part-time job to fill the day time. I hope they give me a call back soon. I don't know what else to do. My husband has yet to get a call back. He has applied in many places but we still wait. It has become very nerve wracking. But we haven't lost our patience and we still have faith in God that the right job will surface. Just wish it would present itself sooner rather than later. But of course, how would that test our faith. Ah God, he is a wiley one. :)

As I attempt to type, my cat is trying to shower me with affection and gain some for himself. He is such a sweet kitty. I'm glad I picked him at the shelter as he hid all shy beneath the registration table.  But that is a story for another time.

I continue to list items to my Etsy shop, but still just have the two sales. I hope that with the constant promoting I am doing by posting the links everywhere I can ( http://craftasticgoodness.etsy.com/ :) ) that people will find something they like and buy it. I have gotten lots of "FAVORITES" from people, but no bites.

I have faith thought...

So much for that plan...

So things haven't gone exactly as planned. But of course "The best laid plans of mice and men..." The wonderous Port Authority in their infinite stupidity didn't resume the hoped bus route so I could take this job. I would have to either walk a half mile one way down hill to get there and back up hill (a pretty steep one to boot) and that isn't happening, let alone in the winter when the sides of the street have snow plowed up on them. The owner is convinced it will all work out if I just take that bus and they will pick me up and take me back every day. I don't like that one bit. I would feel beholden to them and their schedule. I have to remain self sufficent.

Is that really so hard to understand. I understand she needs help and is trying to help me. But I feel like if it goes awry I will end up losing the other job I have. And I have put in far too much time into doing the training for that job. It would feel like a complete waste of time and energy on both my and the employers part. Plus it would look ridiculous on a job application.

In the end I feel like I need to be looking out for myself first. Not anyone else, but no one seems to understand that. There are too many variables of the unknown that I don't like. Other than that, I don't know what else to do. Perhaps I am doing the wrong thing. But right now I feel like it is the right thing for me.

My mind keeps going over it again and again giving me the most wonderous headaches. So I have tried to immerse myself in doing other things. Like my projects for Etsy. I still have only made 2 sales, but I hope that someone will buy something soon. I have gotten likes on things, but no bites yet. I hope maybe people buy for Christmas or Hannukah maybe. I have found a new craft to do too. Tatting lace. Different from crocheted lace in that it's individual knots. I am enjoying making it as I feel like my hands are idle too much lately.

Here is a sample of my latest item to make and posted on Etsy:

Victorian Style Tatted Lace Fold Over Bookmark

Have a good night...

Things may be looking up...maybe

So I think I have a new job. Not the one I spoke of last. That one well.....lets just say if someone is calling you about it and you don't have the time to listen to them and then you make assumptions about their intentions that are WRONG, you just wind up looking like a douche and making the applicant sad and mad and frustrated.

Ok, enough of that. So the new job...I don't know about it. It isn't what I want, but it will have to do. I have to go this week and work out the terms. If the owner doesn't agree then I will have to decline them. I hate to do that, but is what will work best for me. Otherwise I will most likely end up loosing my other current part-time job, and I don't want that to happen.

Life has certainly thrown us some major curve balls lately. I keep waiting for something else bad or even catastrophic to happen. Makes me nauseous and keeps me from sleeping at night. I just don't know what else to do. Who does really. This is the only place that I have actually spent any time actually venting my frustrations because I don't feel like I should burden anyone else with them. Besides, I really don't have anyone else to talk to that doesn't have their own set of problems who is really willing to even listen to me. Well such is life.

I wish we could just go back to the beginning of the year and try and fix this all. I know it is a naive comment, but sometimes it's nice just to feel that way. I know I shouldn't dwell on it. But right now I am home alone with no one to talk to or distract me and all the bad things that could happen just start to build up in my mind. It has made me very sad and negligent even in certain areas. No don't worry, my animals are well cared for as are we.  I don't know what else to do.

Family drama has even left us more isolated from those we know. In a way, I don't mind but it affects everyone and in the end me. I just don't have the patience to deal with it sometimes...most of the time. So much ego and pettiness. I told my mother the other day I have the patience of Jesus Christ himself for how long I have lasted without going crazy and telling everyone where to stick their forced ideas and opinions.

Deep breath.

I just try to do my own thing and keep out of other peoples radar. But sometimes, that can be a lonely place. And if I try and help people, I usually get shit on in the end, so I have pulled back in helping people so much anymore.

I just don't know what to do.