Sunday, September 4, 2011

Things may be looking up...maybe

So I think I have a new job. Not the one I spoke of last. That one well.....lets just say if someone is calling you about it and you don't have the time to listen to them and then you make assumptions about their intentions that are WRONG, you just wind up looking like a douche and making the applicant sad and mad and frustrated.

Ok, enough of that. So the new job...I don't know about it. It isn't what I want, but it will have to do. I have to go this week and work out the terms. If the owner doesn't agree then I will have to decline them. I hate to do that, but is what will work best for me. Otherwise I will most likely end up loosing my other current part-time job, and I don't want that to happen.

Life has certainly thrown us some major curve balls lately. I keep waiting for something else bad or even catastrophic to happen. Makes me nauseous and keeps me from sleeping at night. I just don't know what else to do. Who does really. This is the only place that I have actually spent any time actually venting my frustrations because I don't feel like I should burden anyone else with them. Besides, I really don't have anyone else to talk to that doesn't have their own set of problems who is really willing to even listen to me. Well such is life.

I wish we could just go back to the beginning of the year and try and fix this all. I know it is a naive comment, but sometimes it's nice just to feel that way. I know I shouldn't dwell on it. But right now I am home alone with no one to talk to or distract me and all the bad things that could happen just start to build up in my mind. It has made me very sad and negligent even in certain areas. No don't worry, my animals are well cared for as are we.  I don't know what else to do.

Family drama has even left us more isolated from those we know. In a way, I don't mind but it affects everyone and in the end me. I just don't have the patience to deal with it sometimes...most of the time. So much ego and pettiness. I told my mother the other day I have the patience of Jesus Christ himself for how long I have lasted without going crazy and telling everyone where to stick their forced ideas and opinions.

Deep breath.

I just try to do my own thing and keep out of other peoples radar. But sometimes, that can be a lonely place. And if I try and help people, I usually get shit on in the end, so I have pulled back in helping people so much anymore.

I just don't know what to do.

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