Tuesday, June 26, 2012


I think my mind has been trying to escape.

Lately I have noticed that lately I have been thinking a lot more about Texas and the people there. My family and friends. I don't know if it was because of my birthday that was this past Sunday or hormones or something, but I have had a lot on my mind lately.

My mother is always telling me to go and visit down there, since she is always coming up here. But financially it hasn't been possible for quite a few years. Especially now since we both started new jobs in the last 6 months. We are trying to keep up with bills and had tried to get a home equity loan to help pay for home improvements that have been needed, but unfortunately in this economy we weren't approved so, once again, home repairs have to wait.

It just makes me anxious sometimes. I feel so alone and confused at times. I know I'm not, but I know I close myself off to keep people from knowing. Everyone else has their own problems so I feel like why should I bother them with my own. Believe me most of the time I subscribe to my grandfather's saying "If you can fix it, fix it. If you can't don't worry about." But sometimes it just all bogs down on me and I becomes overcome with sad thoughts and emotions.

One of the main feelings is loneliness and a longing for the familiar. Despite having been living here for 10 years, there are so many times where I still feel like outsider, the outcast, separate from everyone else. I know sometimes I may seem arrogant or like a know it all, but instead of people taking the time to see through that and finding that I am actually pretty funny and incredibly loyal and helpful and willing to do just about anything for them, they just blow me off and ignore me.

Perhaps I am just too different for Pittsburgh, too resistant to the natural order of things here. Perhaps my personality is too strong. I don't know what it is. I know I don't agree with lots of things here. I'm not a Steeler or a Pirate fan. But hey, I am a HUGE Penguins fan. Where I come from, hockey is not even thought about, so hey, I whole-heartedly embraced that. And I have seen this city change soooo much in the 10 years I have lived here. But I don't know what it is.

I think I am starting to ramble.

Anyway, to get away from all these thoughts running through my head, I have been reading so much. Especially since I have found the Dark Hunter series by Sherilynn Kenyon. It's a huge series that I have become obsessed with reading all of.

It's a great series in the paranormal romance genre. Mixing Greek mythology with vampires and demons. Fun and sexy. It has obviously kept my attention all this time. Kenyon really has a way of grabbing your attention and holding it and making you care so much about her characters. And with so many books in the series, they almost become your friends who you cheer and cry for. I highly recommend it.

Sometimes we all need to escape all the things we worry about...perhaps this is just my way.

No comments:

Post a Comment